You’re Perfect Just the Way You Are

Most of us here are girls and have probably struggled with our self image at one point or another. I was a big victim and always needed my friends or parents to approve of me in terms of my education, my career, and my relationships. I used to enjoy being doted on so much because it gave me the pride to feel confident about myself. Despite that, I did not actually like who I am because I depended too much on compliments from people. Compliments are always nice and lovely to receive, but they should be accepted with a smile rather than sought after. In a way, they should be treats, not meals.

The photos in this post are from my trip to Montauk, Long Island in July 2015. I didn’t get to write about the trip but thought the photos are peaceful enough for this post. Here’s a sleeping seal at the aquarium on the way.

One of the most common lines you may have heard in cases of low self-esteem is “You’re perfect just the way you are.” A lot of girls have trouble believing this because they look in the mirror and immediately disagree with that comment. Or, they are hearing it from their teachers while their parents still tell them they’re no good. I know some girls who will only believe they are perfect when the boys they like say it.

It’s famous for the lighthouse. There’s nothing else there because the land is so easily flooded into an island.

However, as cliche as the statement is, it actually holds a lot of validity. It’s in fact one actual truth in a world of very little assurance to what will happen next. To each of you reading this post, you are perfect whether or not you see it in the mirror or in the eyes of other people. Why?

The lighthouse is great for panos though! And here’s mine, where you can see both sides of Long Island at the same time! It’s so beautiful I wanna cry.

Because you were not born into the world to please others or fulfill their lives.

  1. You were not born to make your parents feel great about themselves for having raised a beautiful daughter married to a high-status man candy.
  2. You were not born to give your parents grandchildren. Seriously.
  3. You were not born for the pleasure of men or how a man wants you to be for his sake.
  4. You were not born to be stabbed by others for not pleasing them.
  5. You were not born for someone else’s sake.

Montauk is the furthest point out in Long Island, about 110 miles from New York City. The water there is clean, serene, and the air is so fresh.

You were born for just one reason, and it’s to make a change in a world that believes people are not worthy. I’ve spent too many years struggling with who I am because I was always told I’m not good enough and that it’s all my fault, while I didn’t understand why because I never did anything. No, it never was my fault. A person who feels the need to make comments about someone else not being good enough needs to re-evaluate himself or herself first. And there’s a difference between pointing out a human mistake verses making a person feel worthless.

Each person is already perfect the way he or she is despite his or her flaws because “perfection” is a word made up by people to uphold things rather than accept and make them better. We are perfectly flawed beings who want to make ourselves and our world better.

There is some local social activities like wine tasting parties straight for the vineyard.

My worth is found in God alone because through Him I learned to love myself in 10 months when I couldn’t at all for 22 years. It doesn’t mean I don’t still struggle with everything I just wrote about, but now I can wake up every day knowing I’m good enough to battle it all.

Where do you find your worth? Leave me a comment, send me a Twitter message, etc.

And hope you enjoyed the photos!

Write a Comment

12 Comments to "You’re Perfect Just the Way You Are"

Tara wrote on 25th January 2016 at 3:44 AM

Love the photos! They are so calming and beautiful. Just perfect for this post.

EXCELLENT POST. It drives me absolutely batty that people tell me how I should be — like wear make-up, dress more feminine, get a boyfriend, get married, have kids — JUST ENOUGH. Let me be who I want to be! Let me be make-up free because I want to stick to my natural looks. I don’t dress more feminine because it’s uncomfortable for me, and the concept of femininity is just not me. I’ll get a boyfriend when I can find a man that’s worth my time! And for Merlin’s sake, I don’t want kids so !@#$ off!

Good grief, the expectations others put on us is so frustrating. I know I’m imperfect, but I am not going to shape myself into a freaking doll or something that’s more perfect. I am sick of societal’s belief on what a woman is supposed to be. A woman can be anything. They don’t need to dress up and wear high heels, but it’s fine if that’s what they want! They can choose to wear or not wear make-up. They can be anything they want!

Okay, I’ll shut up now XD Sorry for that, but this post really speaks to me. I guess I’m just plenty sick of what I’ve been hearing and been told lately X_X;

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Kristine wrote on 25th January 2016 at 1:50 PM

Liv, thank you for this and also for the message on my FB. I had to rant because I got fed up with my parents nitpicking at my looks. Turns out, I still have to get down in weight for health purposes. -sigh-

“You were born for just one reason, and it’s to make a change in a world that believes people are not worthy. ” That is beautiful. <3

I often feel worthless, but it stems from the constant pressure to make my parents happy. I don't know why I still try to do that, but I'm slowly learning the importance of doing things for myself.

Like healthwise – I'm going to lose weight not to look good for others, but for the sake my health. PCOS is just one of those conditions that I have to be mindful of my weight to keep it at bay.

I'm happy that you are able to find peace in yourself and to accept all that you are. That's important. I'm not sure how I will get there, but through self-care and self-discoveries, maybe I will reach that. It may not be today or tomorrow, but I know I will get there. It's a long, hard journey I'm going to have to make. <3

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Liv Reply:

Hey girl I know what you mean and how hard it is. When my parents nitpick at me, I have the capacity to ignore it, and then they will just say my attitude is my problem! We are never going to win, so the one thing we can do is continue to maintain the winner status. Do not give in, because it will mess up your self worth. A damaged self-confidence is harder to repair than a naturally low one.

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cantaloupe wrote on 26th January 2016 at 7:57 AM

I don’t think I’m perfect. I don’t think anybody is perfect. I think that being so absolutist about what I am was the problem as I was growing up. I can try to improve certain things, but nobody can ever achieve perfection. So instead I measure it by progress. Was today a good day? Did I improve myself in some small way? What can I do tomorrow to improve myself? Although really I’ve dropped the focus on perfecting myself, rather than working towards a “self” that is happiest. Mostly happy is a much more attainable goal than perfection.

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Liv Reply:

I think you are missing what I mean by the word perfect. It means perfect as a human being born into the world with all your flaws and all. It doesn’t mean perfect as in you are never ever ever wrong.

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Cat wrote on 28th January 2016 at 1:05 AM

I love that list and totally agree with it! There’s so much social pressure to do certain things in life that it’s no wonder many people have low self esteem or find faults with themselves. People shouldn’t feel like failures just because they don’t follow someone else’s expectations. I definitely have moments where I question whether I’m good enough. The hardest part is stopping myself from comparing myself to others.

I’m glad you’ve found your worth and have learned to love yourself 🙂 It’s nice to read such a positive message!

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Jamie wrote on 31st January 2016 at 12:31 AM

First of all, thank you for this beautiful post! You are 100% correct that we weren’t born to please others. However, half of my life I have struggled to realize this. Though, at times, I have said “I was not placed here to be someone’s entertainment.” This is actually true, we are NOT born to be someone’s entertainment. Though, I think we all miss this at some point in our lives.

Growing up, I have struggled with the fact that I was beautiful. I know that I am no Nicole Kidman or Beyonce, but I am me. I am beautiful in other ways. Appearance wise, not so much. Personality wise, a lot. I think we females need to bond together and give each other encouragement instead of putting other females down. We need to uplift ourselves and not only ourselves but those around us who might feel that they aren’t worthy. Ya know what I mean?

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Michelle wrote on 31st January 2016 at 11:29 PM

Love your photos, but at the meat of it, I don’t think we should use the word “perfect” because no one is that, but instead say, we are fine the way we are.

Perfect is a hard enough word to obtain but regardless, I understand your message. That we don’t have to be someone we are not to please other people. I hate people telling me that I have to smile more, and etc; I’m glad you found your self worth through God, and through that, you can overcome anything.

I found the strength to be myself regardless of what others think or feel, because at the end of the day, you only have yourself, and you have to at least like yourself to deal with everything. I think we all deal with pleasing others but in turn most of us learn that we are better than that and that we should be happy as we are. Also, there’s no problem in getting better for yourself, that’s the purpose. Always strive to be a better you!

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Georgie wrote on 1st February 2016 at 1:46 AM

I feel like something clicked in my head when I read that you found your worth in God. I know I told you about my experience with religion and how I had a very opposite journey to you, and I think that I have found my worth though the love my partner has for me. It’s he who has appreciated a lot of who I am and made me love myself more.

I continually struggle with not feeling great, but I think it’s very internal compared to what I used to be like when I was younger. My parents treated me like an object sometimes and wanted me to accompany them to places because they wanted to ‘show me off’ to their friends because of my beauty. I hated this, and it made me hate myself in a more physical manner – I really thought I was fat, I would go to extremes to lose weight until I looked right in the mirror, even if inside I felt really ill. Now I feel like it’s a bit different, I complain that I’m fat but I just feel it rather than look at myself obsessively the way I used to. I think that for all people, self-esteem issues can be an ongoing journey. I know particularly for a friend of mine who has BDD that it can be exceptionally difficult, not only to try and accept what other people say is as being true, but to actually realise that they are beautiful.

There are a lot of reasons people think that they should look better and it’s sad that a lot of them have nothing to really do with themselves, but it’s to please others. I think, from my personal experience, it really starts from the top – we should always start by educating our children on these issues. If our parents and older generations had brought us up in a way that taught us to love our appearances, these issues may not have existed in the first place.

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Liv Reply:

I actually had a similar situation to you, my parents also treated me like an object because they flaunted my beauty, which led me to think I am ugly. I’ve also always been a bit bigger than my friends so thinking I’m fat was an issue too. I struggled with my relationships with males because my parents always talked about how I am not perfect enough. The reason I found my worth in God is because He allows me to believe in no person but myself. My mom fights with me on how she raised me 22 years to believe in myself instead of some non-existent thing, but honestly without finding my worth in God I didn’t believe in myself, I believed in other people, including her, and also boys who gave me affection. When they decided that I had to change myself for them, it all fell apart really badly.

I hope you can tell me about your spiritual journey sometime because you had said you attended church for so long and that sounds like you were driven away, rather than just not being interested in your faith. 🙂

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Alice wrote on 1st February 2016 at 5:07 AM

First and foremost, I love the photos. They’re peaceful indeed.

Secondly, I wish I had read this post sooner. I have quite a few things to say; insecurity is a bitch, let me say that frankly. It’s quite alike with me. I constantly feel that I’m not enough – not smart enough, not pretty enough, the list goes on. When I was a child, I lived surrounded by adults telling me that I was not pale enough, not tall or skinny enough. It sucks, man. And now that I’ve learned to be more.. well–groomed and presentable, they doted me about being good looking and stuff. Honestly, that feels like crap. Even now my parents still love criticizing me because I’d rather wear sweatshirt and skinny jeans and not some girly girl tank tops and super short pants or something like that. That’s just something with the appearance. Don’t get me started on the achievement, career and education part. In short, I like compliments but the ones that are genuine – like this one, saying that we’re fine just the way we are, that we don’t have to be uncomfortable just to be… “good”, you know what I mean? I hate compliments that only measure you when you morph yourself into…someone else, you know. How to say this hm… like, you have to wear shit ton of make up just so people can say you’re pretty…that kind of compliment is garbage, in my opinion.

Appearance-wise, I still look into the mirror and all I can see is my flaws. Like why can’t I have smaller nose or thinner jaw? Stuff like that. And despite some people, even my boyfriend, telling me that I’m not fugly as hell, that I’m adorable and intelligent and not trash…it’s still hard to believe. It’s difficult to believe in compliments now, thanks to the pressure being thrown at me growing up.

I’d rather have people compliment me on my brain, my intelligence and not my looks. It’s shallow and boring. So yeah, it makes me really proud when someone compliments me for my intelligence though sometimes, those compliments make me feel even more pressured in some ways so I totally understand what you mean there.

I’m sick of…a lot of things, tbh. I’m sick of being told that just because I’m the only child, I have to live for others – my parents – and please them. I’m a rebel, I won’t please them and I won’t give them the privilege of snatching away my authority on my life. Being born in a traditional Chinese family, I’m expected to do this and that and be a people pleaser so when I refuse, everyone gets mad at me and say I’m a useless piece of shit. Oh man, it’s really exhausting.

If only my parents can understand the five points that you listed there…. maybe my life would be easier and there won’t be a lot of arguments going on in my life. Obviously, my parents are the kind of adults who think that children are tools and that whatever the children argues, it’s invalid. Sigh.

It really amaze me how much I’m surrounded with stupid adults who can never afford to think this way. This is also the reason why I hate watching the adults around me. They’re dumb. I’m not going to try anymore. They just are that narrow minded and dumb. I’m not going to give them the privilege to order me around like when I should marry or when I should have kids. Geez, I don’t even want kids.

Like you, I’ve been struggling too with personal issues and I still am. It’s hard to be positive when it feels like the world is trying to drown you to death, y’know. I constantly feel like I’m worthless – well, sometimes I just hold on to what my friends say to me, that I’m not garbage even if it’s tough.
Anyway, I’m just glad this post exists. It speaks so much to me and I’m sorry for blabbering LOL

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Chantelle wrote on 4th February 2016 at 9:20 AM

This is such a sweet post. It’s interesting to me because I grew up in a Christian family and I have never once felt unloved by my parents. Getting male attention has never been something I’ve prioritized. So even though I have confidence issues like everyone else, they come from a very different place.

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