My Apology to Everyone

Last week a gunman in an Oregon community college targeted Christians and shot them, killing nine and injuring many others. I did my research into his background, motives, etc, and the summary is that he didn’t have a girlfriend and didn’t like how his life was going for him. He felt like a loser and was fueled by hate towards Christians. I don’t need to read more.

Three months ago when I posted about an issue controversial to Christians I wasn’t qualified to talk about my faith, but after a summer of intensive studying and my baptism I would like to apologize right now to every person on behalf of whatever it is about Christians that have hurt them.

To everybody who is against the faith in general, I’m so sorry. You guys are probably against it for the same reasons I used to be thanks to the media. No sex before marriage, no gay marriage, no divorce, no abortion. Those four can probably be reworded to “no human rights”, right? But the truth is, everybody who has tried to force those views upon you has never opened a Bible. The Bible says those things but in the context of a perfect world. In the perfect world, only a man and a woman will get married and stay married, and they will only consummate after marriage so they can turn that into a child. That’s how the world was created, but it’s humans who have changed it because we’re not born perfect. It doesn’t mean we should go out of our ways to do those things, but it also doesn’t mean we’re destined to go to hell if have homosexual relations or murder a fetus. All my non-Christian friends have said Pope Francis is amazing because he’s so open-minded to these controversial issues. He’s not doing so because he’s a carefree guy. He’s ACTUALLY acting like who he’s filling in for in our world. Aka Jesus. Jesus never hated anyone for being gay. He welcomes everyone with open arms.

To everybody who has told me they were raised in a Christian/Catholic household and were driven away, I’m so sorry. You guys actually make up the biggest population of all my friends, so you’re not singled out. I’m sorry for all the rules that your families or churches have put upon you. I’m sorry if you weren’t allowed to have fun or dress how you want or even watch TV. Raisa has said that a lot of church leaders manipulate you into what they want, and that’s exactly how I would summarize it too. Whatever rules that drove you guys away from the Christian community, they were made up by whoever it is that preached to your community. God never said any of those things. He only wants you to love Him and love others, and I don’t see how not allowing a child to watch TV helps you do that. When I became a Christian, I was set free from every single rule that controlled my life before, rules made by a society called New York City: such as how in order to do well in life I have to be a good drinker, I have to build my friendships by gossiping and manipulating people’s trusts, I have to dress provocatively to flirt with my boss for that promotion, I have to get married by a certain age or I’m doomed, etc etc etc. All of that garbage was put where they belong when I became a Christian and can live the life I want to live.

To everybody who doesn’t believe in God anymore due to tragedy, I’m so sorry. Our world of ups is filled with many more downs but they are all caused by humans, not God. God didn’t make me sick this weekend, I did by trying to do too much and not getting enough rest. God doesn’t create car accidents, irresponsible drivers do. God didn’t sink the South Korean ferry, the greedy ferry company did. God is not trying to burn California, drought from global warming is. God didn’t shoot your children in Oregon, the gunman did because he’s a victim of hurt too.

To everybody who hurt me for becoming Christian, I’m so sorry. I don’t know if you think it’s fun to hurt me or something, or if you’ll make a change in your life by hurting me. I don’t know if you will mock or criticize someone wearing a hijab for their religion or not, but I hope you don’t extend it to that. I’m just sorry for whatever it is that made you so skeptical that you can’t leave other people alone and need to build your self worth on acting like you’re better, or whatever it is because I can’t understand at all.

To everybody who hates Christians to the point of opening fire at innocent people, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what made you go down that path, but I know it started with hurt. Maybe it was a Christian that hurt you. I don’t believe anybody is born to be a gunman. It’s darkness that took over you. I see this darkness clearer and clearer. People are all like little fragile flowers lost in a cold dry world. We created this cold dry world but we’re also the ones who can make it brighter. Through love.


Photo by Biegun Wschodni.

It’s the bonds between humans that make us happy. Christian or not, we need each other. Christian or not, we need love. And love is not something you keep waiting to get from another person. It’s not something you keep searching for. It’s something you receive when you open your heart to the world and try to understand it to the core. You’re not going to find love by being against the world and waiting for your soulmate to swoop in. You’re not going to find love by having three dating profiles or begging your friends to set you up or flirting with every cutie you come across. You have to be open to love first by sending a text to a long lost friend telling them how much you miss them. You have to be open to love first by stop thinking everyone is out to get you. You have to be open to love by not being angry with the world. Learn to let go what’s not worth your time and use that time to build bonds through love. Life will become great because love makes it great.

As a baptized Christian that’s the apology I can give, and I speak on behalf of my fellow brothers and sisters out there hurting people because they don’t understand their own faith. I still have so much more to understand after hardcore studying for the last six months since I’ve surrendered my life to God. But I’m able to live every day free from everything that pushed me to the point of needing to turn to Him. Perhaps I should thank all those things for making my life so great now, because I will never turn back.

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8 Comments to "My Apology to Everyone"

Raisa wrote on 5th October 2015 at 12:14 AM

You have nothing to apologize for. Those deaths are completely on that gunman, and it wasn’t anyone else’s fault. No one asks to be gunned down. 🙁 He needs to be held accountable for what he did. It doesn’t matter how sad or bitter he was. You don’t kill people, period.


Liv Reply:

Since I chose to be baptized I am now called out to serve God through doing what Jesus did. So yeah the gunman needs to be held accountable for killing others but I feel for whatever it is that drove him to do so. Only by getting to the root of our problems will we be able to move on. How else can I stand for my own faith against people who hurt me for it? I certainly can’t go back to my old life of shallow friendships and manipulation.


Chantelle wrote on 5th October 2015 at 5:16 PM

I appreciate the sentiment behind this post. It’s sweet, but I also feel that in this you have nothing to apologize for. The gunman was an entitled asshole driven by misogyny.

I’m Christian, but I often feel hostility towards other Christians because they don’t think and because they often willfully hurt others (i.e. Kim Davis). Pope Francis is much better than his predecessors and I applaud him for his stances on the environment, but–and this is going to sound harsh–people who describe him as open-minded are deluded. He wants gay marriage to be illegal; he wants abortion to be illegal; he doesn’t support contraception; he doesn’t want (and doesn’t allow) women to hold leadership positions in his church. The press often paints him as a liberal because of his environmental/poverty beliefs and because he’s rarely frank about the positions he actually supports, but he’s still conservative. The reality is that if the Pope were in charge (as he probably wishes he were), we would live in a theocracy where women lacked the right to vote and we wouldn’t have gay marriage, condoms, or abortion. The Pope only seems amazing and kind because he lacks power due to those who rebelled against the Church’s tyranny and corruption a few hundred years back.

I completely agree with you when you say that people need and want love from others. Ironically, though, one of the biggest issues that I have with many Church leaders is that, through their actions, these leaders tell others that they are, at best, less worthy and, at worst, completely undeserving of God’s love. Even as someone who is not a member of the LGBT community, I can see how absolutely dehumanizing telling someone that while they may not be going to hell their affection towards their significant other is not at the same level as someone else’s simply because of gender and that their dirty commitment has no place being sanctified by the Church. That’s the kind of stuff that can hurt so much it leads to suicide. Saying it politely doesn’t make it any less painful, I think.


Liv Reply:

Well, the Pope lacks power because non-Catholic Christians believe that no mortal person can take the place of God, and Christians are split 50-50 into belief. That’s why we can’t have religion control our lives. I’m sure the Church was definitely tyrannical hundreds of years ago and I even think it’s a good thing people rebelled. Churches cannot be entirely free of corruption, nothing man-made can be. Only God is because He is all-loving and patient and never wanted people controlling others using His name. But I’m sure you already know that as a Christian.

The LGBT community is as deserve of God’s love as you and I, they are already hurt enough about their personal struggles without Christians bullying them. I can’t imagine anyone expecting any proud reactions upon coming out, from people Christian or not. As for Christians, just because we didn’t “sin” by having homosexual attraction it doesn’t make us sin-free, thus it doesn’t make us better in any way.


Amy wrote on 7th October 2015 at 4:20 PM

I don’t think religion should influence people to dislike each other the way it does. I’ve never been brought up in any religion, so I just see people as people regardless of that. It’s sad that other people’s beliefs seem to affect others – they shouldn’t at all.

Very sad news to hear as well.


Michelle wrote on 7th October 2015 at 11:10 PM

No need to apologize for anything. You are held accountable for your own actions, only. To be honest, I still don’t like the minority of extremist Christians. They are the most vocal group and the most pushing legislation against human rights. I have a problem with that.


Pauline wrote on 11th October 2015 at 1:03 PM

I am overwhelmed by this post, I only have just heard about the tragedy. I can’t believe he’d do such a thing, but as others have said, you shouldn’t be apologising because it wasn’t YOU who killed anyone. It’s just how some people are, some are so fuelled with hate on certain types of people. Religion should not make people hate each other, differences shouldn’t make someone like him to kill. Big hugs sending your way, Liv <3


Kya wrote on 12th October 2015 at 4:53 AM

Like Raisa mentioned you do not need to apologise.

I am really glad that you have been so inspired by your religion and it has such a great importance to you, as well as the love and humanity that you have for other people. <3

I am not religious, but I respect the choices of others, as long as they are not hurting other people.


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