This post continues my last one about abusive relationships. Feel free to read it for some context for this one.
While I was in that abusive relationship, I was pressured into the mentality that if a friend can’t deliver a request of mine, that friend is not worth having because he/she obviously doesn’t give a damn about me or is doing it purposefully to spite me out of jealousy or some other thingamajig. One time I shared a story about how a friend was moving and asked a bunch of people to help her because her boyfriend couldn’t make it. Boy, the reaction I got was intense:
What kind of boyfriend is that? If he was a proper boyfriend he would drop everything to make himself available. He obviously doesn’t care about her at all. He is supposed to schedule her moving day based on his availability then make all his friends help. Otherwise why date him? That’s what boyfriends are for.
We are humans, not machines. We break down. We can’t do everything for everybody. And we most certainly are not obligated to. We do things out of love, not out of necessity or to please others. I also think it’s better to do something for everybody than do everything for somebody. Love is an emotion to be shared, not to be reserved for any one person.
Also I’m 100% sure the boyfriend loves his girlfriend very much. And not being able to help her move is not even related.
So what is love then? Love is so great, but it can be contained into little things around us. Love is:
- a full-time job, so you can’t just love when you feel like it and stop when you’re tired.
- when you send a little message to an old friend asking them how they are.
- when you give a friend a gift for absolutely no reason at all.
- when you make a friend’s birthday special, even if it’s just a personal message.
- when you wish happy birthday to someone you don’t even know well.
- when you playfully argue with your friend ’til no tomorrow.
- when your friend tries to fight your battles for you.
- when you and your friend casually flirt back and forth with no intentions.
- when you don’t stay mad at a friend who has done something upsetting by accident.
- when your friend takes your lines seriously and makes them memorable moments.
- when you want to watch your little friends grow into big strong men and women.
- when you tell a friend to call you in the middle of the night if they need you.
- when you pay attention to people in need whether or not you know them.
- when you don’t need to tell your friends you love them because they know.
- when all the times your friend couldn’t be there for you don’t matter, because all the times your friend made it are so precious.
Don’t count everything that didn’t happen. Treasure everything that did.